If you look back a post or 2 you’ll find an article titled “Don’t Read The Comments”. I knew when I saw that particular article pop up that I definitely didn’t want to read the comments because I knew they were going to be awful and I knew I was going to be disappointed in humanity. I was right. Then, just today, I saw a headline that I couldn’t believe. Initially I suspected that there must be so much more to the story. Then I started to anticipate that if the headline is accurate to what the story is actually about I can’t wait to read the comments.
I’m sure some of you have seen this headline, I’m sure some of you have read the article, and I’m sure some of you who haven’t seen it are going to think I’m making this up. Here’s the headline that had me so giddy with excitement about the comments, “Man calls the police after a hard foul in a pickup basketball game”. If this is your first time reading the headline, and you’re like me, you’re currently staring at that headline slack jawed like you’re Billy Bob Thornton in “Sling Blade”. This can’t be real! There has to be more to it! You can’t make this stuff up, folks.
I didn’t have time to read the article right away so I had to sit and think about what could have happened that prompted this call to the police. Back in my younger days I played plenty of pickup games of basketball and never needed to reach out to the police for help. Let’s be real, my shooting was criminal and should have gotten me kicked off the court and quite possibly jailed for disrespecting the game, but I can’t think of a single time I was fouled so hard that we couldn’t settle it as men. After a while, I imagined the guy who committed the foul must have been harassing the other guy all day. Throwing elbows, throwing punches, maybe a few Grayson Allen style kicks and the guy finally had enough. Maybe the guy was threatening the other guy. Telling him he was going to do all sorts of terrible things to him after the game. My mind was making up scenarios that should never be thought of for pickup basketball.
After I got caught up at work I finally had time to read the article. As I read further in to the article I could feel the ol’ “Sling Blade” slack jaw finding its way across my face again. The guy called the police because of a hard screen. A HARD SCREEN! The guy called the police because of a hard screen. Oh my, that takes the cake for whiniest baller ever. Yes, even worse than LaVar Ball. Primarily because LaVar doesn’t necessarily whine about everything, he is just the self-proclaimed best basketball player that ever lived…just look at his pro numbers.
One of the comments I took issue with during my “Don’t Read The Comments” post was a guy referenced what happened in the article about the high school ball players as “the pussification of America”. Well, sir, you were a few weeks early. I don’t have a problem with the “pussification of America” being referenced for this article. Seriously friends, the police really have better things to do. This is a terrible waste of their time. The police didn’t issue any citations, made reference to the fact that they have better things to do, and still had enough of a sense of humor to call a “Flagrant 1” on the guy setting the screen. A citation, in my opinion, should have been issued to the guy who called the police. They should have fines for people who use emergency services for non emergencies. I think $500 is a good round number for such occasions.